Advice for splitting couple

[Gerry557]

I'm out of my comfort zone and experience base with providing advice to a couple who are splitting.

The situation is married two children no dog. The kids are primary school age. They have a mortgaged property and a car. One employed, main bread winner other looks after kids, mature student.

I assume being married that things get split 50/50 and the only advice at the time was to talk to citizens advice.

There is talk to co-parenting, splitting child care but that raises questions too. Where do the kids live. Between two houses. Can they afford two houses with one none earner.

Is there any benefits or need to sign up for council House. What other options are worth considering. My limited experience is that solicitors get involved and things slowly start to become a war. That diyng pot plant that no one wanted then become a massive tug of war, both loose out and the solicitors are left grinning.

So over to you Fools

[DrFfybes]

My only advice to you is non legal - unless you are on one side or the other, keep out of it as much as you can. If they ask you for advice, make sure it is given openly and to both parties and with your reasoning.

Make a few neutral suggestions towards arbitration/CAB, but try to avoid getting too involved because in all likelyhood at some point in those suggestions one or other will not like something and you will be seen to be "picking a side".

I may be wrong in your case, but my neice and nephew no longer speak after she 'sided' with is ex over something when they were splitting up. I cannot remember eactly but it was something like they were still friends on Facebook or followed on Twitter or in the same "young mothers in Royston Vasey" whatsapp group or something daft and so she must have been colluding behind his back.

Paul

[stewamax]

If 'splitting' means either legal separation or (especially) divorce, the split of assets is decided by the court after proposals by both parties.
As a first step, suggest mediation to both: a good mediator will be overtly neutral and your suggesting mediation should not be contentious or seem biased.
As DrFfybes said, keep well out otherwise!

[AF62]

The situation is married two children no dog. The kids are primary school age. They have a mortgaged property and a car. One employed, main bread winner other looks after kids, mature student.

I assume being married that things get split 50/50 and the only advice at the time was to talk to citizens advice.

It will be a mess.

Although the assets are likely split 50/50 the non-working spouse with child care responsibilities is likely to not to be able to afford the mortgage on the house and the working spouse even with 50% of the assets isn’t likely to be able to afford an equivalent property after paying child maintenance.

So depending on property, mortgage, children’s ages there are a whole range of possibilities from selling the house, to deferring its sale until the children are 18, or others.

But whatever the outcome you will have two households trying to live off one income, not one household living off one income, and as a consequence the non-working person will be complaining that they don’t have the lifestyle they used to and the working one will be seeing their children in McDonalds every other weekend because they are likely living in a small flat.

As others have said, keep out of it as much as you can.

[Gerry557]

Some how I don't see keeping out as safe either. I was hoping my lack of experience and knowledge might help me out. I did say I'd probably side with what's best for the children rather than an individual as I doubt they get much of a say.

I'm keen to be seen supporting both and they understand the child support angle I'm coming from.

I like the mediation idea, it gets me off the hook a bit more. Is splitting up the initial separation and the divorce the legal final split. Ie both on mortgage now but post divorce it will be just one of them. Assuming the house is kept for the kids sake.

I suppose there could be a potential reconciliation from a split situation.

Not sure what happens if the house gets sold and or they move to different areas. Hopefully it would be too far away as they hope to keep the kids at the same school.

So it still best if they can agree a way forward together and take that to a solicitor.